If I was gonna take over a country, you know what I'd do? I'd get elected president, and then I'd make a new $100 bill and put all kinds of secret messages in it to make the country socialist. Well guess what? That's exactly what Obama is doing, and I'm not happy about it one bit. Take a look at the new $100 bill and see for yourself:
The Ink Well
What's Different: They're putting a picture of an inkwell on the front of the bill, and it contains a hologram of a bell inside of it that you can see when you move it back an forth.
Analysis: Holograms?! I've seen them in science fiction movies, so I know what holograms are capable of: subliminal messages! Isn't it convenient that this new $100 bill comes out during the Obama regime? I mean, they had the same money all the way through the Bush years, but as soon as they want to turn the whole country socialist, I start getting subliminal holograms in my bank account! I guess I'll have to just protect that part of my brain by keeping it distracted, so it's a good thing I taped all those Jeff Dunham specials on the TV box. He's my favorite comedian because he's racist.
The 3-D Ribbon
What's Different: They're putting a 3D ribbon in the new $100 bills, and the image changes from a bell to a "100" when you move it back and forth. You'll also notice that the ribbon is blue.
Analysis: Y'know what else is blue? Those damn aliens in Avatar, and those sons of bitches are as liberal as my yard is burned. They live in small communal groups, they have strange relationships with other species of animals, and calling them tree-huggers would be a huge misunderstatement. Those bastards live in a giant tree and worship a big dandelion! They're nothin' but a bunch of Al Gore-worshipping blue skinned liberals, and now they're striped all over our money and changing our bells to numbers and vice versa. God damn this commie government!
The Secretary of Treasury's Signature is Moved
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